> Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. > > Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... > > There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. > > Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS. > Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? > > Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. > > ....Every morning is the dawn of a new error... > > A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee. > > For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. > > I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... > > The beatings will continue until morale improves. > > I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. > > Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. > Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. > > Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. > > There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. > > I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. > > Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? > > A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. > > I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. > > Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out. > > If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! > > Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a >rock. > Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way. > > If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? > > If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. > > If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. > > Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. > > It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. > > Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. > > Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. > > Budget: A method for going broke methodically. > > Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. > > Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. > > Do witches run spell checkers? > Demons are a Ghouls best Friend. > Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. > > Dain bramaged. > Department of Redundancy Department > > Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat! > > What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. > > Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. > > COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key > > Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. > > 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. > > Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. > > Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. > > My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. > > C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL > > C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN > <-------- The information went data way -------- > > Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression > > The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. > > BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding > > The name is Baud......, James Baud. > > BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! > > Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! > C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. > > Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. > > Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" > > As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. > > Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. > > E Pluribus Modem > ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) > > Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny > > A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. > > An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. > > CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? > > Does fuzzy logic tickle? > A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. > > 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. > > 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? > > Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. > > Windows: Just another pane in the glass. > > SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . > > Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? > > Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. > > RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. > > Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... > > All computers wait at the same speed. > > DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. > > Press > Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... > > Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... > > ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! > > E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. > > Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! > > All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? > > Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. > > "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 > > DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS > > Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS > > Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! > > Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... > > Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. > > REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) > > Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~" > > Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) > > Read my chips: No new upgrades! > Hit any user to continue. > 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!! > > I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! > > Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? > > Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. > Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup > > Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic > > (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? > > (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? > If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. > Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. > > Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. > Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. > Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. > > Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!