Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go
     wrong that one can not blame on the government.
     ____

     For every guy who marries for money, there is a gal who marries for
     alimony.
     ____

     Some men marry poor girls to settle down, and others marry rich ones
     to settle up.
     ____

     Marriage is like a violin.  After all the beautiful music is over, the
     strings are still attached.
     ____

     When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
     that either the car or the wife is new.
     ____

     Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised
     mother-in-law.
     ____

     The modern girl usually gets along fine with her mother-in-law because
     she can not afford another baby sitter.
     ____


     Sometimes you cannot tell if a man is trying so hard to be a success
     to please his wife or to spite his mother-in-law.
     ____

     Parents spend the first three years of a child's life trying to get
     him to talk... and the next sixteen years trying to get him to shut
     up.
     ____

     She did not want to marry him for his money, but she just could not
     figure out any other way to get it.
     ____

     One way for a girl to get a mink coat is to find a wolf and skin him.
     ____

     In a courtroom it takes 12 men to find out if a woman is innocent.  On
     a country lane in the moonlight, it takes only one.
     ____

     Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite.  Have you ever seen a
     man get on a bus ahead of one?